Mmmm, cookies

Ingredients

1. Preheat oven to 165c (That’s 330f, for those of you who still use ye olde system)

2. Sift the flour, baking soda, and salt into a bowl. This is so there’s no lumps in it, which makes it easier

3. Mix the melted butter, brown sugar, and caster sugar together, until it’s blended. Then add the vanilla essence and eggs, and blend all that until it’s a creamy mix. Actually, it looks kinda gross. Add the flour/baking soda/salt mixture to this, and stir it all together until it looks like actual cookie dough (and tastes it!). Throw the choc chips into this, and stir them through, so you don’t get fail cookies with like, three choc chips.

4. Spoon this onto a lined baking tray. I get about six to a tray, but as you can see, I make ginormous cookies.

5. Cook for about 15 minutes, or until the edges are a nice brown colour. Let them cool before moving them, or they’ll break apart

6. Enjoy. These things are like crack!

5.

but does anyone else think that the charity, To Write Love on Her Arms is really rather sketchy?

Okay, I’ve researched their income previously. They made x amount, let’s call it $100,000 to make it even. Of that, only something like 25% was accounted for. The rest? Completely unaccounted for. Most charities release their financial statements. Don’t you find it a little odd that we don’t know where 75% of all money given to them goes? The 75% would be “administrative costs”, aka “paying the people that work there”.

Of that 25%, some of it goes to an extremely sketchy charity called Mercy Ministries. You might know them as the anti-gay, pro-life, pile of crap charity that believes that people can be made straight. At their homes, they don’t allow close contact between women because of the risk of lesbianism! Isn’t that nice, donating to a charity which encourages a belief that makes a lot of teens suicidal? MM also believes in the power of exorcism. Australians may remember them as the charity that made girls entering the program sign their Centrelink payments over to them, and gave the girls no therapy but prayer. Do you really want to support this charity? TWLOHA is effectively endorsing the belief that prayer cures depression, and that being gay is something one chooses.

They’re owned by Fireproof Ministries. Y’know, the same guys who gave you XXXChurch.com? You know, selling out Jesus for the moneys?

They’re also (financially) associated with Teen Mania Ministries, which has been described as racist, women hating and hateful in general. The dude who runs it, Ron Luce also runs the Battle Cry Campaign. The BCC’s purpose is to “…ensure that Christianity survives in America by redefining society”. Read their Wiki. Tell me that isn’t a stumble away from a cult. Yeah, once again, do you want your money to support this?

Sure, they offer hope. But, you know, that extra 75% would be way better spent on actually helping people, as opposed to selling fugly tshirts and supporting homophobia. I find it sick they’ve turned depression and addiction into a damn fashion statement. I find it sick they’re using their power to help support vile and disgusting beliefs like homophobia.

When they can prove to me that they do anything but sell shirts and donate to two or three decent charities and one giant pile of arse, I’ll believe that they’re a real charity.

(Also, Jamie gets very defensive whenever someone dares to speak out against TWLOHA. Personally, I find that rather sus)

1. Kittycat paws

Pictured: My cat’s paw. Kittycat paws always make me smile. Well, cats in general do, but paws are just super adorable.

2. Glee

Glee is my favourite new show. It’s uplifting, fun, and just full of hope. There’s moments where you’ll want to cry, but they’re more than balanced out by moments where you’ll just want to hug someone. The music is also incredibly – so many legitimately talented singers.

3. Epic LiveJournal Comment Fests

Pictured: Glee Australia watching party comment count.

I don’t know why, but it’s just so fun to talk to people through LJ comments, especially when it hits over a few hundred comments. It’s even more fun when you look back after a while!

4. Cheesy Music

I live for this stuff. The cheesier, the better. It’s terrible and soulless but dammit, does it make me want to jump up and dance like I just got electrocuted. Or, in the other end, sing along like my heart was just broken by Jensen Ackles. Power ballads, 90s pop, girl groups, boy bands…

5. The Baby-Sitters Club

I started reading this series when I was seven. I haven’t stopped since. They’re definitely my guilty pleasure. Sure, the characters eventually because two character-trait shadows of their former self and the books had more inconsistencies than Twilight, but they’re cheesy fun. Especially Abby’s books, and Stacey’s books. When I grow up, i want to be Kristy Thomas. But less like a fascist dicator in jeans and a sweater.

1. Beyonce - Irreplaceable

I could have another you in a minute/Matter fact he’ll be here in a minute, baby

Okay, so Bey is so pissed at this guy she’s breaking up with him – apparently because he was cheating on her. Good reason to break up with a guy, in my opinion. However, she’s getting back at him by… getting with a guy exactly like him? If the first guy sucked, the other him is going to suck . Personally, I’d go with “I’ll have a rich, successful, smart, gorgeous male model/CEO of a Fortune 500 company/Jensen Ackles in a minute/matter fact he’ll be here in a minute”.

2. Paramore – Misery Business

Whoa, I never meant to brag/But I got him where I want him now/Whoa, it was never my intention to brag/To steal it all away from you now

This could be my undying hatred of Paramore talking, but if you’re going to spend half the song bragging about how you scammed on some chick’s boyfriend and “stole him”, it’s probably best not to sing about how you never meant to brag. It’s kind of like saying “No offence, but you’re a raging whore and your face looks like the surface of Mars”. It doesn’t change the fact that, you know, you’re doing it. Hayley, own the fact you’re bragging.

3. Ben Folds – The Luckiest

What if I’d been born fifty years before you/In a house on a street where you lived?/Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike/Would I know?

Okay, I love this song. It’s sweet and adorable and makes me smile. However, this lyrics? Squicks me out. Why? Well, it’s about a guy and his soulmate. The one he’s meant to be with, romantically, for ever. And then he sings about being 50+ and watching a (presumably very young) child riding her bike, wondering if she’s the one for him. Yeah, do I have to say much more?

4. Heart – All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You

You can imagine his surprise/When he saw his own eyes/I said please, please understand/Im in love with another man
And what he couldnt give me/Was the one little thing that you can

Roughly translated: I slept with you so you could impregnate me! My husband/boyfriend couldn’t knock me up, so I had to outsource. It leads to a few questions! 1) Does her husband/boyfriend know that he’s not the daddy? 2) Did she really plan on waiting in the rain ’til some dude picked her up? 3) How many guys did she sleep with? The song, up until this point, is an epic ode to one night stands. Then it goes straight into “IMPREGNATE ME, BOYS”. Awkward.

5. Kanye West – Jesus Walks

To the hustlers, killers, murderers, drug dealers even the strippers/(Jesus walks with them)

Look Kanye, I’m really happy for you, Imma let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best WTF lyrics of all time!

Okay, really. This isn’t WTF because Kanye thinks Jesus walks with everyone. It’s WTF because the way it’s rapped seems to imply that killers, murderers, and drug dealers are way better than strippers. C’mon, even the strippers? I guess Kanye thinks you can shoot someone up, sell them drugs, but lord help you if you show your boobies off for cash.

Also, killers and murderers are kind of the same thing. Department of Redundancy Department anyone?

Things that have happened lately that have made me a very happy Nay:

- I met the cast of Glee. Sonya and I both went, actually. It was fairly amazing – they’re all so gorgeous in person, and sweet! I’ve decided that I’d happily marry anyone on that show – including the girls. It really doesn’t matter which one. I’m not picky, and they’re all amazing. Chris Colfer may be the cutest short guy (okay, 5’7) I have seen in my life.

- After the Glee meet and greet, we went to a filming of Rove (an Australian TV show). Despite standing for several hours, and everything running two hours late, it was pretty fun. We were on camera for approx. .0002 of a second, does that make us famous?!

- I have a ticket to go see Cobra Starship in March! It’s actually the day after my birthday, so I plan on having a line party. There will be cake and shenanigans.

Now, onto the lyrics!

1. This bitch is crazy make me wanna smack a
(Ho yeah)
But I’m not like that I’m a gentleman (not)
YOU FUCKIN BITCH
COME SUCK MY DICK
I hate these fuckin’ whores from Yellow Bus

Because smacking around women and demanding that they suck your dick is something all men should do. Oh, and don’t forget to use misogynistic insults to refer to women. Us “hos” love that, I promise. It’s like the mating call of the douchebag, and helps us work out which guys to avoid

2. So don’t you take this drink from me. I will knock you down on your knees. And make you lick my penis up and down, up and down… from 2 Drunk (2 Drive)

Oooh, look! They combine alcohol abuse, assault, and sexual assault! All within three lines, I bet their mothers are so proud.

3. I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TEASE ME!
YOU MAKE IT SEEM SO EASY!
WHEN YOU MAKE MY PEE PEE HARD! from Sex Toyz

Sometimes, things are only offensive because they’re so fucking bad. I don’t think I can say anything else about lyrics that use the word pee pee. Honestly, what?

4. Do the booty clap girl
Do be useless.
Spank that ass like I am abusive from Get Up

Brokencyde’s though process while writing this song went a little like this: “Oh, hey, what haven’t we made fun of yet? Should we kill a few kittens in our next video? We can’t rape babies, we’ve gotta save that for when our fans lay off the crack pipe and realise how much we suck… oh hey! Let’s make light of domestic violence. GOD, WE’RE CREATIVE GENIUSES”.

5. Bree Bree! Nigga.
Hate! Kill! Love! Pain! (x4)
BC13 mother fucker! Bree Bree! from Bree Bree

Brokencyde, babies, you’re white. Due to that, you using the n-bomb makes you sound like a bunch of racist inbred hicks. I mean, okay, you probably are, but still. Way to encourage your fans to use racial slurs!

Also, where the fuck does the 13 come from in BC13? Average age of the fans?

6. I’ma need a little bit more drinks then that.

To hook up with a girl that looks like that.
Like OMG this bitch is fat!
She’ll totally squash my skinny ass (haha).
So lift me up. Lift me over the bar girl, fill me up.
I’ma need a couple more drinks, and some drugs.
To make me want to wake up next to this… What?

She gots me hypnotized!
I can tell by the way she licks her lips.
That we’re going to fuck tonight!
OMG I can not live like this.
Will someone take my life!
Here’s a knife, go ahead and slice my wrist.
I’m not emo, but I’d rather be dead then with this bitch! from Blame It On Tom

First: fatphobia. Um, loves, most fat chicks have way more sense than to even consider shagging your untalented arses. Second: apparently, all women want to hit that. Well, I kinda do, but not in that way. Third: Apparently, all women should exist to please the Brokencyde boys. Fourth: guys, if you have to use MySpace to pick up chicks, you’re doin’ it wrong. Also, they resort back to their old favourite of using misogynist terms to refer to women

7. Girl don’t you lie. I’m bulimic I can read your mind. You want my body. Why don’t you fucking spend the night. EVERYBODY CELABRATE! THROW YOUR PANTIES ON THE STAGE! EVERYBODY CELABRATE! THROW YOUR PANTIES ON THE STAGE!!! from Blue Steel

“I’m bulimic, I can read your mind” What in the fuckin’ fuckity fuck does that even mean? The throwing panties becomes even worse when you realise that most of the fans of this band are way underage. May they get nasty period stained knickers thrown at them.

8. You feel your body breaking down
I can take it away
All I need for you to say
IS FUCK ME DADDY! from True Love.

This song isn’t about child molestation, but these fuckers are so vile that I choose to interpret as that. Seeing as they like underage girls, it isn’t too far off the mark. Even if it isn’t, they like it when their girls call them “daddy”? Ew.

Okay, I can’t do this any more. There should be 10, but my brain is actually dribbling out of my ears. I’m about ten seconds and one more sexist lyric from committing homicide. I’m sorry, I just can’t subject myself to this any more. I’ve actually developed a nervous twitch while writing this blow.

I get it. You’re dedicated. You really like the books. You own them all in hardcover and softcover, plus spare sets in languages you’ll never read. You own five different copies of the movie, because the cover was different. You’ll argue about Team Jacob vs Team Edward ’til you’re blue in the face.

However, you’ve gone too far. I was fine with the slap bracelets. With the “Team Edward” shirts. With the giant posters. With the really ugly overpriced plastic jewellery. Hell, I was even fine with the “sparkle like Edward” body glitter. But a Twilight-themed dildo?

No. Just… no. I mean, it sparkles. There’s going to be a mass amount of 14 year old girls losing their virginity to a disembodied sparkly cold vampire penis. If you can’t see the problem with that, I worry. Can’t you just imagine some girl getting hot and heavy with her boyfriend, taking his pants off, and freaking out because it isn’t sparkly? Guys, you’re fucked. Actually, you’re not, and that’s kind of the problem.

I mean, okay, on the plus side there’ll be less girls getting pregnant and naming the kid Edward Jasper Carlisle Emmett Hale-Cullen, but still! Do you think there were Hamlet themed dildos? No, and for good reason! It’s kinda creepy and skeezy and brain-explodey.

This thing has in fact completely broken my brain. When I first heard about it, my response was to go attempt to learn a second language so I could express the appropriate level of WHAT. My second was to tell everyone I’d ever met so that they could also suffer.

I mean, Twilight fans, was it not bad enough that one of you used an Edward doll as a sex toy, and then wanted to show one of the actors?

Please, stop the insanity. My brain is thisclose to exploding, and I doubt anyone wants to clean up my brain meat.

No love whatsoever,

Renee

- People who call themselves Danish/Swedish/Irish/whatever when they were born in America/Australia/other country, their parents were born in the same country, and the only link to the ye olde countrie is that great great great grandma came over from there when she was two. No, you are, for example, an American of French descent. You can’t be French, as you were not born there, and have never been there. It’s ridiculous.

- The fact women’s clothes sizing is so inconsistent. How is it possible that I have pants in four different sizes, all of which fit the same? It makes no sense! God, just give us the sizes in inches/cm, instead of a bunch of meaningless numbers. Please. For my sanity.

- People who think they’re the first person to ever have an opinion. You all know someone like this – they have opinions, and they’re right. If you disagree with them, it’s because you’re wrong, and you obviously don’t know anything about the topic. From abortion to gay rights to whether or not Mean Girls is overrated, this person knows all, and their opinion is the truth. Never mind that their opinion is based on what Perez Hilton said in his last blog, they still know better than anyone else. If you disagree, they’ll shove their opinion down your throat until you’re so sick of hearing about it that you agree, just to shut them up.

- People who use abbreviations, and then explain them two seconds later. Y’know, like BRB (that’s be right back). It makes no sense and completely defeats the purpose of abbreviations.

1. Fall Out Boy – Take This To Your Grave

Say what you want about Fall Out Boy, this album is pop punk brilliance. This was their third release, after 2002′s split EP with Project Rocket, and Fall Out Boy’s Evening Out With Your Girlfriend, and their first release with Andy Hurley. It’s just such a fun album. It’s Fall Out Boy before Pete Wentz wrote songs about being famous, and it’s less cynical than most. Who would’ve thought that these guys would go on to be one of the biggest bands in the world?

I still know all the words to this album, and am not above singing along to it, ’cause most of my friends do, too.  It’s pretty much the album that sums me up for the last five or so years.

Favourite tracks: Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy, Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things To Do Today, Saturday, The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes.

2. The Cure – Disintegration

I adore The Cure. I think Robert Smith has one of the most amazing voices ever, and that definitely shows through on this album. It contains my absolute favourite Cure song ever (Pictures of You). The entire album is just so gorgeous and it sucks you right in.

This album also gave the world Lovesong, which is one of the greatest love songs ever written.

Favourite tracks: Pictures of You, Lovesong, Lullabye

3. The Ataris – So Long, Astoria

I paid $35 for a copy of this when it was released, way back in 2003. In order to get that hideously overpriced copy, I had to go shopping with my mum in Melbourne, and beg her for the money. You know what? Totally worth it. This is one album I can listen to over and over again, and each time I’ll find something new I like about it.

I listened to this album at least once a day during the last few years of school, and even used one of the songs (Eight of Nine) as the basis for one of my English creative writing pieces (the piece got a 90%, hell yeah). So yeah, this is another album that defines me.. well, me when I was younger, at least.

Favourite tracks: Takeoffs and Landings, Radio #2, In This Diary, Boys of Summer, Looking Back on Today

4. MC Lars – This Gigantic Robot Kills

MC Lars has never actually done anything that sucked, but this album is absolutely brilliant. It’s the most recent release on this list, but according to my Last.FM, it’s my most played album. That’s impressive, especially when you consider that it has over twice the amount of plays as the next track on the list.

The album features a guest appearance by Gabe Saporta from Cobra Starship, and that’s enough to make a normal album great, let alone one that’s already fantastic.

Favourite tracks: Hey There Ophelia, Hipster Girl, True Player for Real, White Kids Aren’t Hyphy

5. Repo! the Genetic Opera OST

I love musicals, I love rock music, I love Paris Hilton, I love Anthony Stewart Head, and I love horror movies. There is no way on earth I could not love Repo! the Genetic Opera. Even if you haven’t seen the movie, the soundtrack is still worth listening to.

Everyone involved in this is completely suited to the role – yes, even Paris Hilton – and it shows through on the soundtrack.

Guest musicians include Joan Jett, Sonny Moore (ex-From First to Last), Melora Creager (Rasputina), and a bunch of other awesome people. This entire soundtrack is absolute win and awesome, I’ve yet to hear anyone go “Wow, you know the Repo soundtrack? It’s a gigantic pile of crap”.

Favourite tracks: Zydrate Anatomy, Seventeen, Didn’t Know I’d Love You So Much, Chase the Morning.

6. The Gaslight Anthem – The ’59 Sound

The Gaslight Anthem sound like Born to Run era Bruce Springsteen. That’s a good thing, because Bruce Springsteen isn’t called the boss for nothin’ and Born to Run’s a legendary album.

This album leaves me wishing I could relive my childhood in New Jersey… despite never having been to New Jersey. It’s just that the lyrics paint such a vivid picture that you can’t help but do so.

The best part of this album is that you don’t realise how much you love it until you realise that you’ve had it on repeat for the last five hours, and you don’t really want to stop.

Favourite tracks: The ’59 Sound, Here’s Looking at You, Kid, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, Film Noir

7. Butch Walker – The Rise and Fall of Butch Walker and The Lets-Go-Out-Tonites

Butch Walker is probably the single most underrated musician today. Sure, you’ve probably heard something of his, being that he’s wrote or produced a tonne of top forty records, but his solo work is criminally unheard of. He’s phenomenally talented, his lyrics are brilliant, and yet more people have heard of Short Stack than him? So very not right. Really, all BW should be on this list, I love ‘em all.

This album is pop-glam-rock awesomeness, with a few country inspired tracks, and it’s absolutely wonderful

Hot Girls in Good Moods will make you want to dance around while throwing things.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you, people.

Favourite tracks: Hot Girls in Good Moods, Bethamphetamine (Pretty Pretty), Paid to Get Excited

8. Cobra Starship - ¡Viva la Cobra!

This album is so much fun. I don’t know, maybe I’m weird, but I love dancey fun music that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Cobra Starship are exactly that, and that’s why they’re here. Whoever said that music had to be serious to be good? I’m sorry, but any album which has the line “is that a house arrest bracelet in your pocket or do you got a dick like me?” is a winner in my book.

I do love While the City Sleeps…, but this album has Kiss My Sass, and that’s where I got my twitter and LJ usernames from, so that pushed it over the edge. Yes, I’m shallow, but I couldn’t decide. This album was also the first album with VickyT as a member of the band, and she is completely fierce, so Viva gets double points for that

Favourite Tracks: Kiss My Sass, Damn You Look Good and I’m Drunk, Guilty Pleasure, The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime), Three Times A Lady

9. The Academy Is… – Santi

Oooh, controversial opinion time! Most The Academy Is… fans prefer Almost Here, but Santi’s been my favourite since I heard it. There’s not a song on here that I choose to skip, and if I put it on, I have to listen from start to finish. Saying that, I’m probably going to get shanked by a bunch of TAI… fans now. You know how people accuse rap of being violent? Well, they’ve obviously never seen or heard a bunch of TAI… fans argue over which album’s better. Tears are shed, people’s mothers are insulted, and their heritage is questioned. Messy business.

The album starts with Same Blood, which is pretty epic, but it somehow manages to get better with each track. William Beckett’s voice is as much an instrument on this album as any of the guitars.

Also, it was produced by Butch Walker which gives it awesome points.

Favourite Tracks: LAX to O’Hare, Everything We Had, Neighbors, 40 Steps, We’ve Got a Big Mess On Our Hands

10. Kate Miller-Heidke – Curiouser

This album has a song about not being able to shake one’s booty or dance. I can relate to it, so this album speaks to me.

No, seriously, Kate is extremely talented. Her voice is absolutely gorgeous, and it’s a shame that people out of Australia haven’t heard of her. Definitely check her out. You’ll fall in love, I promise.

On the flip side of fun songs about not being able to dance, there’s also Caught in the Crowd, a song about bullying, and about how you don’t have to be the one doing the bullying to still do a bad thing.

Favourite tracks: Can’t Shake It, Caught in the Crowd, God’s Gift to Women

Keep in mind, this might change today, it might change next year, but it will change eventually.